What is Small Government? It's a White Male Thing Only Republicans Understand

Republicans Understand

Dear Friends,

I've been asked on numerous occasions to explain what conservatives mean by "small government".   How can the GOP reconcile this call for less government and more freedom while at the same time passing laws that restrict freedom and require more government (i.e. new abortion laws in Arkansas, North Dakota, and Mississippi - among other examples)?   Since I've heard no-one in the national media even attempt to explain, I thought I might give it a try.

Most of you who asked are not white, not male, and liberal by nature.  So it is understandable that you would be confused about the GOP agenda.  Allow me to explain.  

First, a few definitions:

Small government means that the Feds do not interfere with my business, nor restrict my rights to free speech, free press, freedom to assemble, or right to bear arms.   I should be allowed to cheat my customers, insult people I do not like,  hold anti-gay rallies at funerals, and shoot anyone who gets in my way. 

Responsible government has the moral obligation to prevent women from having abortions to save the lives of the unborn, block the sale of contraceptives that violate my religious principles, deport illegal immigrants and their children, keep gas prices low, remove all consumer protections that restricts commerce, provide our veterans with top-notch care, rid the world of evil dictators, and lead the world in business, science, medicine, education, military might and readiness.  All this - while cutting my taxes and without spending money. 

A responsible government should never buy food for the hungry, enforce arcane laws, provide healthcare for the sick, or offer insurance of any kind for anyone - domestic or abroad.  Doing so only hurts business since it leaves us less opportunities to exploit people. 

Pity us.  We white men are used to getting our way and are running out of people to dominate.  We used to be the only "Americans".  But then "American" kept getting redefined to include people of color, naturalized citizens, and women.  Club USA is no longer exclusive, and it has been difficult to adjust to that reality.

The GOP understands.  We have a need to tell women what to do, what to think, what to say.  We need women to comply with our wishes not to harm fetuses.  Of course if women did comply, we do not have a clue how we will handle millions of unwanted children.  We simply want abortions to stop.  Women can decide from there what to do.

Mitt Romney said it best - "we simply can't have illegals".  He was talking about his gubernatorial bid, but the point could apply to America too.    No offense to those from south of the border, but we don't want you here.  There is a reason the Statue of Liberty is on Ellis Island, not along the Rio Grande.  Frankly we don't care for certain ethnic groups of Europe either, but at least we have a connection with them being the motherland and all.  We know they are hardworking, God-fearing people - or they used to be.   We don't know what you are about, and we don't care.  All we know is there are jobs here that Americans don't have because you have them.  You are using our civic services but aren't paying a dime towards its maintenance.  I'm sorry, but we don't play the game like that, so yes, if you are here illegally, you've gotta go.

Republicans understand.

Life would be oh so much better if everyone would stop crying about the poor, elderly, so-called disenfranchised - we conservatives do not want to hear it.  Fact is, poor people do not pay taxes so they are of no help to us.  The elderly, mentally ill, handicapped, and incarcerated are severe resource hogs.   After you factor in those here illegally and criminal enterprises still in operation, and other miscellaneous factors - 80% of our GDP is tied up in people and processes that yield nothing.

See, Republicans understand these facts.  That's why they try so hard to win the vote of the white male.    They've also gone through great lengths to make sure my vote counts more than it did in previous years.  My district is so Republican in fact, in EVERY local office, the GOP candidate ALWAYS runs unopposed!  No Democrat would dare run in this district.  So I can rest assured that our democratic process will produce the most desirable result.  The GOP is trying hard to make that a national standard, but it will take time.

Republicans understand the need for small, responsible government.  A government that  that allows us white males do what we please and everyone else must do what we say, is an efficient government that we can control and comprehend.  

If we white males wish to hold onto our Dominion, we'd better unite in the Republican cause - or else our little fantasy will cease to exist. 

Facetiously Yours,

Christopher Tracy

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